THIS FRIDAY NIGHT at NerdMelt Theater, it’s time for Baby Talk again! It starts at 7 PM and it has an incredible line-up. Come see Dan Levy host stand-up sets from Jen Kirkman, Joe Mande & John Mulaney - then watch as all 4 sit with a 5 year-old-girl and interview her in hopes of making Dan a better father. I’ll be DJ’ing just kids’ tunes, so join us!
buy tickets here - https://nerdmeltla.com/tickets2/index.php?event_id=498/
BOYS & GIRLS - Episode 2 of The ArScheerio Paul Show w/ @JordanPeele as Tupac and myself as Cue Card Guy…
#blessed
God wants you to see this. Not just because I worked on it, but because everything depends on this.
UPDATE :
You can learn the whole story by clicking HERE, but in short, my father, ten years ago, brought a handful of wood 2x4’s into my gallery, proclaiming that he planned on making “really cool shelves with these.” My dad had hit a weird period of his life, so I laughed and told him that I looked forward to finding them 10 years later, untouched. He was offended and SWORE he’d get to work on these shelves soon, and made my business partner swear she wouldn’t let me throw them out. Fast forward ten years, my father passed away 4 years prior, and guess what was totally untouched and forgotten when I moved gallery locations last month? Yes, the 2x4’s.
I posted the story online with a picture of the neglected wood attached, just to admit that I finally threw them out - and they’d never be a really cool shelf, or even an ugly shelf, because they found a new home in the dumpster. And then came the onslaught of guilt. I got comments and text messages with people unanimously telling me I HAD to keep them. So, with the new Jewish guilt in tow, I dug one out of the dumpster and wondered what to do next with this reminder of my father.
And so, at the new gallery, we’ve implemented the 2x4 into the new desk above, creating a frame around it, reminding me that my father’s memory, and spirit, surrounds my business and, truthfully, my life in general.
I’m thankful for the guilt given to me by social media. You’re my other Jewish mother. Without that pressure, and undeniable logic, this would’ve never happened. In the end, I’m happy the wood made the trip to the new location with me. Cause it’s a really cool desk now.
It’s Mother’s Day and I figured rather than just wish my mom a happy one on Social Media, I would also write out 5 of my favorite things about having her in my life. They aren’t the only 5 things, just 5 things. Here we go:
1. She worked hard so I could own stupid things - I wasn’t raised with a ton of money, as both my mom and dad worked tirelessly in order for us to call ourselves middle class, but throughout my early childhood, I felt like what I assume Blue Ivy feels like. When I wanted a Sega Genesis (do not sleep on Toejam & Earl), she re-boxed my 4 year old Nintendo system, took it back to Toys R Us and nicely convinced them to give her credit, so that we could afford it. And then when I was the one idiot who wanted a Sega CD, she was nice enough to a Software Etc. employee so he’d sell her the one they were shipped. She was then escorted out of the mall by an armed security officer, since 10 other people were behind her in line and went home empty handed. She tried her hardest to get me every pair of Jordans I wanted, every He-Man toy, every plastic Smurf - all while she couldn’t buy new clothes for over a year. Just cause her boy wanted stuff, like all kids do. I learned a lot about sacrifice from my parents, especially because Sega CD ended up being AWFUL.
2. She has the WEIRDEST/COOLEST friends - When the story of Hot Karl travels around as music industry legend, one of the highlights is always that Mack 10 showed up at my parents’ house with a briefcase filled with $50,000 cash to sign me. And that’s true. That happened. But what people don’t understand is that the only reason he knew I was a rapper was because he was friends with my mom. She suggested he listen to me on the radio that day, and then he appeared at my house, like a Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes. Over the years she has accumulated one of the hands down funniest posses I’ve ever seen. From Arsenio Hall’s mom, to Layla Ali, to Cherry from Punky Brewster, to Lisa Leslie, to Ray Parker Jr. It’s like she’s time traveling and just picking out the coolest African Americans ever. And I get why they like her. She’s genuine, fun, loving and a good friend. I hope they brag about being friends with her, like I just bragged about her being friends with them.
3. She’s always supportive - No matter what hobby I picked, she was always there, cheering me on, front and center. So much so, that as a child she became my Little League’s first female coach, instructing and encouraging my Tee Ball team. She never missed a game right up through high school, when I realized I was “ehhh” at the sport because I’m Jewish. She also attended all of my Hot Karl shows, mostly as a member of our rap group, as on different occasions I forced her to dress as Ja Rule (“Ma Rule”), an astronaut and Nelly on stage, with the last instance happening in front of 14,000 people opening for Snoop Dogg. She never complained or asked, “What the fuck are you doing?,” because she knew it’s what I wanted, and she supports me.
4. She taught me to respect women - Between the lessons of my dad and mom, one thing I always understood is that women are the backbone of our society. My mother is a strong & independent woman who has a skill set as important, and most likely more focused, than any dude I was raised around. She’s a realtor now and watching her work endlessly for her clients is both impressive and also somewhat worrying, as I know she neglects her own health for the well-being of others. I GENUINELY do not understand how any man could treat a woman poorly or believe they are inferior, when the one who knows me best commands so much more.
5. She dressed me like this -
I don’t really know how that’s a positive, but this photo has brought me a lot of joy over the years. Much like she has.
My mom has went through a lot in the last year and continues to be the rock she always has been. I’m not fully sure she knows her worth in this world and how important she is, but she will. The least I can do is say “Happy Mother’s Day” to her.
Mark your calendars now! The 2nd Baby Talk w/ Dan Levy is on May 23rd at 7 PM at the NerdMelt theater. Our guests this month are Moshe Kasher, Natasha Leggero & a 6 year old named Bella! Buy advance tickets for cheaper here:
Tomorrow night, Friday April 26th, we’re opening a new exhibit called “The Bad Robot Art Experience” at the art gallery I own, G1988. It’s in conjunction with JJ Abrams & Bryan Burk, the two dudes who run that insanely powerful production company that’s about to make fucking Star Wars. For those who don’t know, they’ve made TV shows like LOST, Fringe & Alias and movies like Star Trek, Cloverfield & Super 8. JJ also wrote Joyride, which is the thing I love him for the most. Our history with Bad Robot is very important to me, and honestly the reason why I’ve been able to call myself successful.
10 years ago when we opened the gallery and knew NOTHING of what we were doing with the world’s first pop culture art gallery, a man named Luis from Disney walked in and asked me about a mural down the street that Disney had commissioned for Tinkerbell. I told him I thought it was awful and every reason why, since he didn’t identify himself as a Disney big wig until about 30 minutes later when he handed me his business card and asked if we ever thought about “consulting.” I had NO idea what consulting meant, but I knew his mural was shit and that seemed like enough to say yes. Over the next two years we worked with Disney, helping with ideas and creating art shows to both strengthen the Disney name in the art world and promote certain projects they were focusing on. They never made us do anything and it was an all-around great experience that basically changed our lives.
Our time with Disney led us to working with Mattel, who we ended up working on Hot Wheels & Masters of the Universe with. During our Hot Wheels exhibit, a producer for the TV show LOST, Noreen, saw what we were doing and assumed we could do something similar for the show, which was entering its final season. We made up a pitch and drove to the ABC offices a few days later with a concept that was so weird and insane, that it barely made sense to me. There would be a scavenger hunt, and free limited edition items at every stop and a screenprint that fans could buy each time as well. Oh, and ABC couldn’t really promote it. And it involved comedian Paul Scheer and velvet paintings. And they had to just let us be - we only wanted notes from Damon & Carlton. Normally we’d be thrown out of the office, but we had a real partner with Bad Robot, a group of producers willing to take a risk on unique marketing strategies and heartfelt/artistic ways to reach out to fans. Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse basically told the network they HAD to hire us and JJ Abrams & Bryan Burk basically asked us to “do our thing.” When the campaign ended up insanely successful, JJ was the first person who asked to meet with me and congratulate us. And that started it all. Agencies in Hollywood wanted to represent our gallery as an entity, I ended up landing marketing gigs at ABC, Sony, Comedy Central, Paramount, etc and even got to work with Bad Robot again with Fringe and Person of Interest. But none of this would’ve been possible without Bad Robot and the team at LOST taking a chance on a wild idea and a group of passionate artists.
And now we have The Bad Robot Art Experience. This art exhibit has commissioned more than 100 artists to create pieces inspired by their TV shows, movies and logo. All for sale, all either one-of-a-kind or limited edition. JJ And Bryan have been involved since the moment we had the idea. They’ve been so supportive, as they always have been, and being able to include a charity they love and work closely with, The Mission Continues, was just icing on the cake. They’ve seen the work now, by email, and they were BLOWN AWAY. I don’t even think they knew where to start. And once they return from their Star Trek publicity tour and are able to come to the gallery, seeing all the pieces in person will probably start the amazement all over.
We open tomorrow night, 7-10 PM at 7308 Melrose Ave. It’s a VERY, VERY good art show. I would love for you to see it. If you can’t make the opening reception, the show is open everyday, Wednesday - Sunday from 11-6 PM through May 18th. And if you live outside of Los Angeles, we’ll put up all the work online for purchase Saturday afternoon at gallery1988.com.
We are so thankful for our friends at Bad Robot, especially JJ Abrams & Bryan Burk, who took a chance on us back in the day - and now we get to repay them by tributing the empire they built. See you tomorrow night.
I admit the world has been awful. Times are shitty. But REMEMBER, we live in a country where Pual Sneers, Payman Benz and myself can create a shot for shot, word for word (almost) remake of our favorite segments from the Arsenio Hall Show. I present the biggest project I’ve produced for JASH so far, episode 1 of The ArScheerio Paul Show, with guest Will Arnett as Gov. Bill Clinton. I don’t ask you to “share” stuff, because that’s what douchebags do, but please do share this, and I’ll gladly accept the douchebag title.
My #tbt is so dumb. When I was a signed rapper in my early 20’s, Interscope told me I need publicity shots, so I convinced famed hip-hop photographer Jonathan Mannion to take this. Then I sent it in to Interscope as my pick. Needless to say, I didn’t stay at Interscope long. Also, I may have invented RiFF RaFF in 2001, right?
Also, small note: I’m wearing 4 watches on my wrists and one around my fingers.
Proud to announce that I’ll be producing a monthly comedy show with comedian/producer/guy who looks like me Dan Levy at the NerdMelt Showroom in Hollywood. The concept is this: Dan is just a few weeks away from being a father for the first time, but yet when we chat, we still talk about limited edition Nikes & gossip about what idiots are posting on Instagram. We don’t feel any older - but Dan is about to bring a real life baby into the world and it’s time for him to figure it out. And that’s serious.
So each month, Dan will kick the show off with some stand up, and two of his amazingly funny friends will follow with the same. And then all three will be joined on stage by a child, a real life child, that is somewhere in between the ages of 6-12. And the comedians will interview this young specimen, hoping to get Dan in the correct mind frame of a new father. Good luck.
The first show will be Friday, April 12th, at 7 PM. It’s during Coachella, which missing would be a good first step to start being a good father. It’s $8 in advance, $10 at the door, and the guests are insane: Dan Mintz (Conan, Bob’s Burgers, Nathan For You) & Whitney Cummings. And check out the awesome flyer by Logan Fitzpatrick.
You can buy tickets in advance here: https://nerdmeltla.com/tickets2/index.php?event_id=425/
Hope to see you there!
I produced this video that chronicles the debaucherous adventures of the Iron Sheik. If you dig it, spread the word please. If not, I will make you humble.
Congratulations to Abrams Publishing, who reached out to Matty and I to do a sequel to our 80’s toys book, then just stole the whole concept and LITERALLY everything else from our book, “Just Can’t Get Enough” (from tone to illustrations to design to jokes in the acknowledgments) and just hired a different writer for a 90’s version. For the record, we also never received a royalty statement from Abrams after requesting it numerous times, so maybe this isn’t the battle we should choose?
But either way, chalk one up for laziness.
10 years ago, my father bought these pieces of wood from the hardware store randomly and brought them to my art gallery. He explained that he planned on making cool shelves for us and to leave them in the corner, as he will start working on them soon. I explained that this will be one of those things where in like 10 years, we would be cleaning the space out, find them and realize he never did anything with them. He got super offended and told us there was NO way this would be ignored and he’d get it done, because we deserved cool shelves. He begged Katie to never let me throw them out, as these shelves were destined to happen. I forgot the story until today, 10 years later, and 4 years since he passed, while moving the gallery, we found the unused 2x4’s right in the corner where he left them. I sensed him laughing, asking me to not throw them out…as I finally threw them out.
Love & miss you, Dad.
JEWISH UPDATE: I have now taken one of the 2x4s out of the trash bin and will somehow have it used in the new gallery space. THE GUILT NEVER GOES AWAY.
Top 10 Movies of 2012
For the past 18 years of my life, I’ve created a yearly list of my favorite movies. This shouldn’t shock you, mostly because I am a white guy who wears glasses and drives a Prius. But my ritual also involves a bit of OCD that I battle, since I think if I don’t complete one, my mom will die. But I do also like writing about movies and why stop now? (bites fingers nervously, looks around). This list used to be confined to my parents’ fridge with a magnet, but now, thanks to the Internet, my parents divorced and sold that fridge. Wait, what?
Anyway, some things to get out of the way…
This is MY list. Not yours. Like how you have HPV and I don’t (that’s a stat, not arguable). If you want to make your own list, become as self-important as me, and write your own. I made some controversial decisions (I’m sure my #1 will infuriate you), and I’m fine with it. It’s jumped between 10-20 total movies, depending on the year’s selection pool. If you want to know my taste, you can follow me around for 6 months, or just look at last year’s list…
2011 - http://jensenkarp.tumblr.com/post/15202668206/my-top-10-movies-of-the-year
I wouldn’t call 2012 a “great year for film.” Mostly because I’m not a pompous asshole talking to his friend at Starbucks, using the words “year for film.” I loved my bottom 5, but I don’t even think the rest would’ve made last year’s list, or 2010. But I did see more movies this year than any past year I could remember. That probably means something, or just says that I’m old now and like seeing the “moving pictures,” while kids do dumb dances at clubs with one name and text each other pictures of dicks. I did miss some movies though, and those are listed below as well. So, here we go, my top 10 movies of 2012.
10. Flight – I didn’t know much about Flight going in, outside of it involving a plane crash and being Denzel’s first movie where he’s not on a train. What I found out fast is that the movie is an intense character study about addiction and the lies told in order to cover up the disease. Time hasn’t been kind to Flight, as it’s been completely forgotten during Awards season, but I hope somehow Denzel gets recognition for this movie because he’s PLANE awesome in it! *puts on sunglasses, drinks bleach, begins to write a suicide letter that apologizes for pun, dies mid-sentence, tombstone reads “He liked Flight”*
9. Sleepwalk With Me – Comedian Mike Birbiglia turned his one-man off-Broadway show and first book into a touching and hilarious true-to-life movie about his REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. I had never heard any of Mike’s stories on NPR, mostly because I’m addicted to Howard Stern and hearing Kay Slay’s homophobic rants on Shade 45, so all of this – and Birbiglia in general – was new to me. I was blown away by his ability to mix humor and all out depressive medical conditions, as it speaks directly to me. Cameos from some of your favorite comedians including Marc Maron, Wyatt Cenac, Jessi Klein and the voice of Hannibal Buress, help walk the line between reality and fiction, the same way Birbiglia unwillingly has walked that line in his life. This recently hit Netflix Instant, so expect to hear a lot more people talking about it soon like it’s new.
8. Les Misérables – I JUST learned how to type an accent into Word. JUST NOW. For this. I’m 33 years old. You’d think I’d have learned how to do that before this. How did it never come up? Did you guys all know how? I bet people who work at IKEA know how to type accents. They have to, or else they’d work at World Market. Anyway, Les Mis was good, especially since I was forced to go by my girlfriend. I had never read the book, saw the play, or heard the music before. I cried during the last scené. Fuck you, I JUST learned how to do the accent, I’m using it whenever I want. Also, Anne Hathaway has a wéird mouth.
7. The Master – Paul Thomas Anderson has a former #1 with “There Will Be Blood,” and since he tackled/kind of tackled Scientology in this movie, it caught my interest from the moment it was announced. This is another specific character study in essence, where we follow a returned Naval veteran, suffering from serious Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and completely lost in life, until he is taken in by a mysterious man and his slowly developing cult. The Master details the way manipulation occurs within religion, which I find interesting and although it lacks the intense, somewhat full circle storytelling I love most from Anderson (Boogie Nights vs. Magnolia), it’s my #7. HOLLYWOOD INSIDER INFO: if you look close, you’ll see Danny Masterson CGI’d into most of the cult meetings.
6. Beasts of the Southern Wild – The debut feature film from my new favorite director whose name I can’t pronounce, Benh Zeitlin, is wildly impressive. A young girl, named Hushpuppy, faces a flooded hometown and a tough love father, all in order to grow up and learn some hard life lessons. It cost under $2 million to make, which might be the most mind-blowing aspect, since the Waterworld stunt show at Universal Studios cost more to produce, and that looks like shit. Really beautiful story, locations and performances, so don’t miss this one.
5. Argo – Writer/director Affleck continues to make us forget we sort of hate actor Affleck. His third of 3 consecutive movies to be on my list, but the first without underground white rapper Slaine in it. Political and funny like Wolf Blitzer’s name, Argo also stars John Goodman & Alan Arkin acting like your dad and your dad’s best friend. In addition, you have Coach Taylor, Walter White & the Faruza Balk-ish girl that was on the HBO circus show – so it may have been casted by just yelling “Who do you think is awesome?” at random people. Remember when Ben Affleck got fake teeth to be in Armageddon? This is way more subtle and smart.
4. Silver Linings Playbook – Have you ever seen the pictures of Bradley Cooper when he played Elephant Man off-Broadway? No? Look here. So stupid, right? Anyway, I’ve never really been a fan of that dude. But David O. Russell is one of my absolute favorite writer/directors (with Flirting With Disaster, Three Kings, Huckabees and The Fighter all being list alumni), so I was ready to give this one a shot. The same reason some people hate this movie, is the reason I love it. People see it as schlock, or soft Awards bait, but I disagree. I see this movie as the perfect mix between I Heart Huckabees and The Fighter, able to create universal family-oriented subject matter (that yes, wins awards) and still place it in a quirky, off-kilter world. The universe that Russell creates is so odd and somewhat unexplainable (the “villain” is always at the main characters’ house, hanging out & having fun), that it’s almost like he made an alt-comedy Oscar winner. I’m excited to watch this again to fully dissect the David O. Russell signatures in a movie that at first might just seem sappy.
3. Looper – Sometimes my lists in the past have been very much dependent on the amount of fun I had in the theater, which is why this is in my bottom 5 and you are sort of snickering. Last year’s number 1, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” is a prime example of that edge. When I saw “Avatar,” I had zero fun. Like watch your family member get murdered type of experience for me. So it didn’t make the list. This year, I had a shit ton of fun seeing Looper, and that’s why it’s my #3. It felt fresh and new, and I guess with Rian Johnson’s other two movies (Brick & The Brothers Bloom) being past listees, this shouldn’t be too shocking. But it was the kind of Sci-fi I like, where you’re almost rewarded for paying attention. Johnson’s dystopic future was filled with small details that were fun to notice, kinda shitty make-up for JGL to look like Bruce Willis, and Asian actors everywhere, which was nice to see (I’m looking at you, Cloud Atlas). I’m eagerly awaiting Rian’s next movie and look forward to watching this again soon, since it just came out on Blu-ray and I also have OCD about buying DVDs/Blu-rays of the movies I like, as if it were 2002.
2. Django Unchained – Quentin Tarantino wore Wu-Wear to the NY Hurricane Sandy Tribute. You’ve read enough about this movie, and hopefully have seen it by now, so let’s just focus on his wardrobe for most of this. He dresses in suits or like an 8th grader in 1995. When he’s not reminding us he wrote & directed Reservoir Dogs with a skinny tie, he wears jeans that are baggy enough to paint your house in and Kangol hats like Sam Jackson gave him a pass. It’s remarkable that such good shit comes out of a man with such terrible taste. I LOVED this movie, and had a ton of fun seeing it on the big screen. If there was some way to remove that god-awful Tupac/James Brown mash-up he picked for one of the last scenes, I’m not sure I’d even have one gripe with it. WU-WEAR, people.
1. Moonrise Kingdom – And just like that, I lose all my credibility. Like when you found out that Billy Corgan dated Tila Tequila. It’s all bullshit, right? Well, fuck you. I loved this movie and I just don’t understand why people have to hate heartfelt shit now. If it has any sign of sincerity, we have to snark at it. And the love we all used to have for Wes Anderson seems to have disappeared all because Instagram made it possible for girls taking photos of their brunch to have a similar look? How dare it be somewhat twee! This movie was fun and kept me entertained for all 94 minutes, which is a perfect running time btw (I’m looking at you, Cloud Atlas). A Wes Anderson #1 is both to celebrate this movie, my favorite of the year, and also to tell you people to loosen the fuck up.
Honorable Mention (no particular order): The Grey, Jiro Dreams of Sushi, 21 Jump Street, Jeff Who Lives At Home, The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers, Safety Not Guaranteed, Magic Mike, The Imposter, The Queen of Versailles (would’ve been my #11 if I weirdly picked top 11 movies of the year), ParaNorman, Arbitrage, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Frankenweenie, Holy Motors, Skyfall, Hitchock, Life of Pi, Zero Dark Thirty, Killer Joe, Pitch Perfect, Little Birds
I have not seen (which in turn might make my list shit): Lincoln, Seven Psychopaths, The Hobbit, Amour, Promised Land
Movie you loved, that I hated: Dark Knight Rises
