Don’t be an idiot. Join us THIS SATURDAY at 7 PM at the NerdMelt theater in Hollywood. Dan Levy and I will host three comedians, John Mulaney, Karey Dornetto & Dan Mintz - as we interview a small child like it’s an adult. It’s ridiculous. Would love to see you there. Again, the idiot thing.

Don’t be an idiot. Join us THIS SATURDAY at 7 PM at the NerdMelt theater in Hollywood. Dan Levy and I will host three comedians, John Mulaney, Karey Dornetto & Dan Mintz - as we interview a small child like it’s an adult. It’s ridiculous. Would love to see you there. Again, the idiot thing.

Hot Karl - Lonely Girl (Clean) - Mixed

This song has a story that I almost can’t believe.

When I was in 6th grade I wrote a story about an aspiring actress who doesn’t quite have the happy ending much of Hollywood makes you believe is likely. That turned into a mediocre rap song in high school, and years later after seeing the movie Mulholland Drive, I wanted to revisit it. I wrote the lyrics you hear in this track, and when I eventually got my hands on producer Ayatollah’s beat CD, this Seals & Crofts sampled beat YELLED for me to finally follow through with this idea. “Lonely Girl” was to be the 1st part of the story, the tale she was telling people back home, but you could still tell wasn’t fully honest. That would then be followed up by the real story of the girl I’m talking about, as a totally different song. Sadly, we couldn’t clear this sample, so this version quickly became unavailable (I think it may be on an import 12 inch vinyl). But I only seem to have the clean version, which says something. There is a different beat on this song, by rock band She Wants Revenge, on my album, obviously with a different title, but same lyrics.

The second song, and more depressing part of this girl’s story, is on iTunes under the title “Dreamin.” It’s 99 cents for fuck’s sake, so search for Hot Karl and go to “The Great Escape” album. It’s the conclusion of the tale I carried around since middle school. Obviously it was my attempt at creative writing in hip hop. It succeeds at some points, fails at others. But overall, I’m happy to have had David Lynch influence rap music in ANY way, shape or form. 

Hope you enjoyed this week’s #HotKarlWednesday - it’s all building to something special, or something I find special at least. See you next week.

479 plays

PEOPLE. Nova Rockafeller made her own lyric video for her new song “1990’s” from her weird little house in Crenshaw. She used green screen and a bunch of other stuff I’m still shocked by. Check it out and please pass along, we could use the help.

Hot Karl ft. Fabolous & Redman - BLAO! (1st Redman Verse)

When I signed my deal at Interscope, part of the reason they gave me so much money was because a majority of it goes into your recording budget. And during all my meetings we talked about including a lot of names on my record that would cost a lot of dough. Timbaland’s name was always thrown around as a possible producer, and I had many ideas of other MC’s I wanted featured on the record. That shit costs money.

I met DJ Clue through my A&R at Interscope, who seemed to be friends with him in that way that rappers/producers/DJs are friends with whoever can get them paid. I recorded a lot of my music at Baseline studios, where Clue was mostly working and hanging out in those days, so we’d talk a few times. He had just dropped “Can’t Deny It” for Fabolous, a song he produced with his Engineer Duro, and things were going well for the Desert Storm label, which in the past had always been laughed off as something Clue just yelled loudly on mixtapes. Clue played me a few beats, and although the one I picked sounds a lot like “Superwoman Pt. II” by Lil’ Mo, I think I picked the best one. I immediately wanted to hear Fabolous on it, so my manager reached out and made that happen (for a ton of money). And after standing me up at the studio once, Redman ended up agreeing to jump on the song as well, which is nuts because I was a super fan. 

Fabolous was super easy to record with. He came in, heard my verse, and admitted that although he already wrote his part, he needed to write something doper now that he heard me. I took that as the highest compliment ever, so I didn’t flinch when he spent 10 more hours writing and included a subliminal diss to me (“n*ggas can’t shit on me like they constipated”) in his rap.

Redman had already left me hanging once in NY, so when we set up a make-up day in LA, I didn’t expect much. I got to the studio a little late from class, and he was there already writing, seeming crazy lethargic. He hardly talked and just seemed super jet lagged. I figured I’d go get some food and come back, see if he got anywhere, but when I did get back, he was asleep. LIKE KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT. I went home, thinking he’d come to in a bit and record, only to find out from the engineer that he ended up sleeping in the studio for 6 hours. He recorded something right before he left, and that’s the version above. I never have released what is the “1st Redman verse” before, because I actually just found it while cleaning out my storage. 

Redman called me the next day and told me he wanted to record it again. He wasn’t comfortable with what he laid down (maybe because he was a fucking zombie) and wanted another chance. We met back up and he kicked the verse you can currently hear on iTunes or YouTube. But above was the first attempt. We called him “Deadman” that day, cause we’re comedic geniuses, but who knows what was going on? I later heard a rumor that he was very into like “dusted” joints, which would make a lot of sense, because the second day we hung out he was crazy energetic, normal and fun. Another small piece of trivia - Kanye West is one of the 4 voices yelling BLAO! for the hook, cause I was dumb enough to tell him I didn’t want him rapping on it. Hooray hindsight!!! 

Listen, when all else failed, I knew I could always say I have a song with Redman and Fabolous where I forced Clue to yell on it, and I reference the Simpsons. So I have that going for me. I hope you enjoyed another week of #HotKarlWednesday and what in essence is an almost $100k song. WHATTA WASTE.

925 plays
March 9th. G1988 (West) x Bruce White TAG TEAM

March 9th. G1988 (West) x Bruce White TAG TEAM

Hot Karl - Plain Fun

Another one from the post-Interscope era with producer Mayru, “Plain Fun” was the first song I recorded when I decided to write some raps after the major label fallout. I wanted the lyrics to lead the way, which is even a little too obvious on this song (a Six Feet Under reference? for real?). More than any song I ever recorded, this one shows I already wanted to return back to my college roots of stand-up comedy. I was so disgusted that the industry basically told me I couldn’t be myself, while I was just trying to have fun. When Chet Haze recently challenged me to a rap battle on Twitter, then retreated when he figured out my past, I was ready to be this beast. The guy who has each line completely thought out and attack-ready. He should thank me for letting it go. Cause even though this song is 12 years, it’s still angry/hungry/on a mission, even if I was just genuinely trying to have fun as a mission.

4 down. Thanks for sticking around on #HotKarlWednesday.

1,259 plays
Hot Karl - B-Sides 3

After being found on the radio as a teenage rapper, through the somewhat legendary Roll Call competition in Los Angeles, my relationship with the medium would stay strong through all 3 years of what some would call my “rap career.” Both major urban stations in my city at the time, Power 106 and 92.3 The Beat, seemed to claim ownership of my career, and I was asked to create “radio drops” for individual shows almost immediately. Basically, these drops would serve as introductions and transitions usually heard on the hour, utilizing the show & DJ names, program hours and frequency, to clue listeners in on what they were listening to. In addition to being the king of the Roll Call, I also quickly became the king of LA radio drops. I always saw it as a surefire way to get your music, name and voice on the radio daily (and both stations), and that’s just something you couldn’t pay for.  

The show I became most synonymous with was the night time / drive home program called The B-Sides, hosted by DJ Eric Cubeechee and eventual MTV personality and Carmelo Anthony wife LaLa. Eric was one of my biggest supporters when I was on the Roll Call, and pre-fame LaLa and I became friends quickly, to the point where I even wrote songs for her rap career attempt in 2002. They would consistently ask me to create updated drops for their show, and I gladly obliged.

I had done a few for them already, which they played until people started to memorize the words, so I knew I had to do something different and memorable to top it. I was recording at DJ Homicide’s (Sugar Ray) house for what was to be my debut album on Farmclub/Interscope, when he played me a beat that his band and DJ Quik collaborated on, but never released. The track was INSANE and I knew I NEEDED to do something with it, even just to say I worked with Quik. Homicide said he’d try his hardest to make sure it happened, but admitted it would take awhile (it did take awhile, but I did end up putting it on my album and making a video for it after recording it with Will.I.Am). So in the meanwhile, we decided to make a radio drop with it, since we didn’t REALLY need permission to do that. As we sat around, trying to write to it, we were stuck for a hook. As a joke, I said we should call my mom and see what she suggests. So what you hear is 100% real. Slightly edited, but real. I swear.

Small note - on past drops, I was known for screaming “The B-Sides” during the hook, so that’s what I, and she is, referring to when brainstorming together. Also, for weeks and weeks and weeks I had been making fun of Tyrese on the radio, FOR NO REASON. His named rhymed with everything, and I kinda thought he was corny, so he was my most frequent target. He had recently called into the station and threatened to find me if I ever made fun of him again…so I did it again.

Homicide and I have totally lost touch over the years, but recording songs at his house involved some of my favorite memories from my tenure in the music business. We just did whatever came to mind. If I wanted to prank call my mom, we recorded it. It was very organic and fun. Good dude.

I would later meet Quik to record, and mix, the song version from this track, but that story is for another time and involves running from his house because he warned us someone with a gun was coming.

Enjoy this, the 3rd B-Sides drop from 2001, and the 3rd installment in #HotKarlWednesdays.

1,589 plays
Hot Karl - I Have Arrived

This song, “I Have Arrived,” is from the same era as last week’s “Don’t Let The Music Stop,” where producer Mayru and myself were recording from his parent’s Valley house, soon after I asked Interscope to let me off their label. It was a decade ago and I had one foot out the door in regards to the rap industry, but knew I wanted to create a few lyric friendly gems before I walked away forever. Lots of people assume Eminem was the main influence for my stuff, which is really the only thing that makes me mad to hear at this point. I basically have had the same rap style since I was about 12 years old (and have the tapes to prove it), but I get that the pop culture references/etc. became most famous from another white guy. If people actually knew their stuff, they’d realize I stole my entire style from a guy named Chino XL (so did Em). 

Some gems in this one (fuck you, Chingy), but I think the thing I remember most is my last line, referencing that if rapping didn’t pay off then you might see me soon working at Coffee Bean. It’s somewhat a joke, but the fear was real and I can kinda hear it in my voice. You dedicate your life to a “job” for a few years, then realize it’s not for you, and that’s not an easy realization. I was always honest in everything I did rapping, sometimes to a fault and that is somewhat obvious here. I do want “Nobody wants to look like a vagina” on my tombstone though. 

See you next Wednesday for another installment of #HotKarlWednesday, your only place for Hot Karl rarities and unheard music (it’s the only place because nowhere else has asked).

1,269 plays
Hot Karl - Don't Let the Music Stop

It took quite some time for me to really open up and talk about the weird rap career from my early 20’s. Hot Karl always felt surreal and somewhat unreal, so when it all started to breakdown, I was quick, and happy, to approach my plan b of the art gallery and writing without rhyming the words. But in the past 3 years, I’ve started to understand that my past, which although is not my definition, has helped shape me into who I am today. I’ve even started writing a memoir of my time as “the next big thing,” a white rapper from the valley, and hope you get to read it at some point. Most of the music I created is on iTunes, which includes my song with Kanye West, my song with Redman & Fabolous, my song with Will.I.Am, my song with Mya and songs with many other people that no longer talked to me when I didn’t have $15,000 for them. But some songs, they were just ideas, or rarities, and I kind want them to see the light of day somehow, over a decade later. So, I’m not one for #TBT, so I’ll do #HotKarlWednesday. And here’s your first.

When I decided to leave Interscope, I knew it was the right thing to do. My time had run its course, and I was getting tips from employees that the label no longer planned on doing much with my music. It was almost like when you have plans with someone, but don’t want to go, then they call you and flake and you have to pretend to be bummed, but in reality you’re jumping for joy? Yeah, like that. But I had a fear that my Publishing deal, at EMI, which has already given me a check for $250,000 as an advance, would still want to recoup the money, considering I didn’t make it big. So I knew I had to be the good guy and keep trying to make music, even if for just 6 more months. I had met producer Rudy Maya (“Mayru”) through a mutual friend and immediately we clicked. I was ready to just rap boom-bap battle lyrics, the ones that got me to where I was, and he was ready to create somewhat dance-y commercial beats around them. Many of the songs we made together, over a two month period, in his parents Valley place, ended up on The Great Escape, an album you can buy on iTunes, but some didn’t. This one, Don’t Let The Music Stop, is an unused b-side, one that never saw the light of day. It works at some points, fails at others (which p.s. could be my memoir title). It’s now 12 years old, so it’s dated, especially the homophobia that I emulated from within the genre that I now wince at. But when you break it down, each line is sort of a 140 character punchline, so it makes sense I like Twitter so much. I’m happy to have some avenue to post these songs, even if the age of a Disney star has passed since it was originally written. 

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to #HotKarlWednesday, a feature I will obviously soon regret.

1,689 plays
Hey Bay Area! I’d like to see you this weekend for SF Sketchfest. It will be a real opportunity to tell me to fuck my dreams in person.
First up, Saturday night, I will be one of the judges for the always entertaining Tournament of Nerds. For those who don’t know, this show happens monthly at LA’s UCB theater (and sells out) and has comedians going to head to head in debate, arguing for their selected character (i.e. Spiderman, Green Lantern, the cab driver from Total Recall, Jughead, etc) to reign supreme amongst all of the nerd community. I’ll be judging the debates, along side my friends JC Coccoli and Marc Andreyko. The show is at midnight (we can also drink together before/after) at Dark Room.
You can get tickets here - https://www.vendini.com/ticket-software.html?t=tix&e=b88d8bee2cf0abac0479eeb19346beec
And then we bring Baby Talk to SF! The NerdMelt monthly show, created by myself and Dan Levy, pairs a young child up with 3 comedians for a roundtable discussion about important issues. Dan hosts, and does some stand-up, and I DJ 90’s jams and say dumb things. And this show we welcome 3 superstars to the panel: American hero Natasha Leggero, Nick Thune and April Richardson. The child does characters and is an expert on American presidents. Uh, YEAH. Please come watch this crazy show and hang out. It’s a matinee show a 1 PM (so we can also drink together before/after) at The Punchline.
You can buy tickets here: http://concerts.livenation.com/event/1C004B8CF9FD8397?crosssite=TM_US:1946256:229425

Hey Bay Area! I’d like to see you this weekend for SF Sketchfest. It will be a real opportunity to tell me to fuck my dreams in person.

First up, Saturday night, I will be one of the judges for the always entertaining Tournament of Nerds. For those who don’t know, this show happens monthly at LA’s UCB theater (and sells out) and has comedians going to head to head in debate, arguing for their selected character (i.e. Spiderman, Green Lantern, the cab driver from Total Recall, Jughead, etc) to reign supreme amongst all of the nerd community. I’ll be judging the debates, along side my friends JC Coccoli and Marc Andreyko. The show is at midnight (we can also drink together before/after) at Dark Room.

You can get tickets here - https://www.vendini.com/ticket-software.html?t=tix&e=b88d8bee2cf0abac0479eeb19346beec

And then we bring Baby Talk to SF! The NerdMelt monthly show, created by myself and Dan Levy, pairs a young child up with 3 comedians for a roundtable discussion about important issues. Dan hosts, and does some stand-up, and I DJ 90’s jams and say dumb things. And this show we welcome 3 superstars to the panel: American hero Natasha Leggero, Nick Thune and April Richardson. The child does characters and is an expert on American presidents. Uh, YEAH. Please come watch this crazy show and hang out. It’s a matinee show a 1 PM (so we can also drink together before/after) at The Punchline.

You can buy tickets here: http://concerts.livenation.com/event/1C004B8CF9FD8397?crosssite=TM_US:1946256:229425




Since early childhood I’ve been able to hold back a crippling case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for the most part (despite some setbacks in 2013), but still maintain a few rituals, admitting that some things still, and may always, have an actual grip on me. Despite knowing it’s self important and slightly gross, for 19 years in a row I’ve made a Top Movies of the Year list and unless you want to see me go crazy or tie my shoes for three hours straight, you should just let me write this and use clip art to illustrate it.
I’m not gonna go all Pitchfork here and pick movies you don’t know or make you feel like you’re an idiot if you don’t agree with me. I mean, I saw Best Man’s Holiday in the theater. My opinions are based on my own experiences in the theater or in my house, so like many of your subtweets, it’s about me and I know it. Just calm down, you know? Remember when we were all kids and just loved that Fivel movie cause it had a singing mouse in it? Let’s go back to those days. When you just liked shit and didn’t care what others thought. And there was more fingerbanging. No one fingerbangs anymore. Anyway, for some past reference, here are the last two years’ lists:
2012 - http://jensenkarp.tumblr.com/post/40233646447/top-10-movies-of-2012-for-the-past-18-years-of-my
2011 - http://jensenkarp.tumblr.com/post/15202668206/my-top-10-movies-of-the-year
And now, 2013:

10. Dallas Buyers Club
I’ll always remember this movie as 2 hours that I forget about how big of a garbage can douchebag human Jared Leto is. And Matt McConaughey got down to 34 pounds for this movie, and is now saying he’s having major issues gaining it back. That’s a real bummer for a guy who doesn’t own a t-shirt. This isn’t a date movie, unless your date has AIDS, and then I have a bigger question for you, which is “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
9. Gravity
Nope, didn’t love it as much as you did it. But I really liked it. I’m just not going out and getting one of those Sandra Bullock Peter Pan haircuts or anything. It was visually stunning, but some of the dialogue was crazy cheesy. Cuaron is obviously awesome and I can’t wait to see what he does next, which will basically be whatever he wants. So I’m really hoping he’s getting Tom Hanks back into comedies.
8. Monsters University
Every year there’s a cartoon on my list because I’m immature and I was molested at Disneyland. I’m kidding. I AM immature, but I wasn’t molested at Disneyland. It was Knott’s. I don’t even remember liking Monsters Inc. at all, but I laughed more at this sequel than anything else in 2013. And yea, I liked it more than Gravity. That must make you so mad. So mad.
7. Evil Dead
When I first heard they were remaking Evil Dead, I wanted to find the executive who greenlit it and throw them into a tire fire. I then heard Sam Raimi would be involved and I held some hope. But I would’ve never guessed how great 1st time director Fede Alvarez would make this reboot. He kept all the best things (I basically just mean tree rape) and also put his own spin on it. Maybe it was my low expectations, maybe it was the lack of good horror in 2013, but this one really held a spot in my heart and was a lot of fun.
6. Nebraska
Will Forte and Bruce Dern are like the grumpy drama Lethal Weapon. Alexander Payne is yet to miss a list in a year he releases a movie, and he does some amazing work with MacGruber and the old neighbor from The Burbs here. Go see this as soon as you can. It’s like Rush Hour for depression.
5. Inside Llewyn Davis
Fargo and Big Lebowski are former #1’s, and I even own Ladykillers and Intolerable Cruelty on DVD, so there’s very little possibility for a Coen Brothers movie to tank in my eyes. Does anyone know if they like Folk music though? This metaphor for art, commerce and privilege is poignant and another great journey from the Jewish brothers from Minnesota. Also, cats.
4. Francis Ha
Noah Baumbach’s Frances Ha stars his girlfriend Greta Gerwig as a 20 something in NY, who actually would’ve made a good girlfriend for Llewyn Davis come to think of it. Do you hate-follow a girl on Instagram who just moved to NY last year? Well, here’s a movie they made about her. Funny, sad, aggravating. If you like Girls on HBO, I feel like this is your second course. Never has friendship or dating seemed so unsatisfying. #whitegirlproblems
3. Prisoners
Why is no one talking about this movie? In the vein of Se7ven, Zodiac and Silence of the Lambs, Dateline’s Keith Morrison could’ve easily narrated Prisoners and it would’ve made sense. Starring Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal (who is brilliant), Terrence Howard and Melissa Leo, it’s 3 hours long and I could’ve sat through 3 more. It’s a procedural in essence and has Paul Dano in it playing a creepface. If you’re writing a movie in 2014 and you don’t at least TRY to include Paul Dano as a creepface in it, then you’re Final Draft should just corrupt itself.
2. Wolf of Wall Street
Please let the idiots continue to say this movie is bad for us, because then we can distinguish who we shouldn’t be friends with quicker. It’ll be like what Von Dutch hats were in the 2000s. The most fun I had in a theater this year is also a reminder of what I love most about movies. It doesn’t glorify anything. It’s a satire and doubles as commentary about our society and greed. Don’t make me spell shit out, you morons. Also, Jonah Hill’s teeth.
1. 12 Years A Slave
The last movie I saw of the year was also the best. Hard to really crack jokes about it, but when a movie can survive a scene eating drive-by from Brad Pitt and still be breathtaking, you know it’s real good. Steve McQueen had Kubrickesque moments. I can’t help but hope this movie ends up being shown in high schools for historical reasons, but also because Paul Dano again plays a creepface in it and we need more of that from future screenwriters.
Honorable Mention (no particular order) – Warm Bodies, Stoker, Spring Breakers, This Is The End, The Conjuring, Blue Jasmine, Don Jon, Stories We Tell, American Hustle, Her, Fruitvale Station, The Spectacular Now
Movies I Didn’t See – August: Osage Country, Before Midnight, Rush, The Place Beyond The Pines, Short Term 12, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Movie You Loved That I Didn’t – Saving Mr. Banks (and sort of Gravity)

Since early childhood I’ve been able to hold back a crippling case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for the most part (despite some setbacks in 2013), but still maintain a few rituals, admitting that some things still, and may always, have an actual grip on me. Despite knowing it’s self important and slightly gross, for 19 years in a row I’ve made a Top Movies of the Year list and unless you want to see me go crazy or tie my shoes for three hours straight, you should just let me write this and use clip art to illustrate it.

I’m not gonna go all Pitchfork here and pick movies you don’t know or make you feel like you’re an idiot if you don’t agree with me. I mean, I saw Best Man’s Holiday in the theater. My opinions are based on my own experiences in the theater or in my house, so like many of your subtweets, it’s about me and I know it. Just calm down, you know? Remember when we were all kids and just loved that Fivel movie cause it had a singing mouse in it? Let’s go back to those days. When you just liked shit and didn’t care what others thought. And there was more fingerbanging. No one fingerbangs anymore. Anyway, for some past reference, here are the last two years’ lists:

2012 - http://jensenkarp.tumblr.com/post/40233646447/top-10-movies-of-2012-for-the-past-18-years-of-my

2011 - http://jensenkarp.tumblr.com/post/15202668206/my-top-10-movies-of-the-year

And now, 2013:

10. Dallas Buyers Club

I’ll always remember this movie as 2 hours that I forget about how big of a garbage can douchebag human Jared Leto is. And Matt McConaughey got down to 34 pounds for this movie, and is now saying he’s having major issues gaining it back. That’s a real bummer for a guy who doesn’t own a t-shirt. This isn’t a date movie, unless your date has AIDS, and then I have a bigger question for you, which is “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

9. Gravity

Nope, didn’t love it as much as you did it. But I really liked it. I’m just not going out and getting one of those Sandra Bullock Peter Pan haircuts or anything. It was visually stunning, but some of the dialogue was crazy cheesy. Cuaron is obviously awesome and I can’t wait to see what he does next, which will basically be whatever he wants. So I’m really hoping he’s getting Tom Hanks back into comedies.

8. Monsters University

Every year there’s a cartoon on my list because I’m immature and I was molested at Disneyland. I’m kidding. I AM immature, but I wasn’t molested at Disneyland. It was Knott’s. I don’t even remember liking Monsters Inc. at all, but I laughed more at this sequel than anything else in 2013. And yea, I liked it more than Gravity. That must make you so mad. So mad.

7. Evil Dead

When I first heard they were remaking Evil Dead, I wanted to find the executive who greenlit it and throw them into a tire fire. I then heard Sam Raimi would be involved and I held some hope. But I would’ve never guessed how great 1st time director Fede Alvarez would make this reboot. He kept all the best things (I basically just mean tree rape) and also put his own spin on it. Maybe it was my low expectations, maybe it was the lack of good horror in 2013, but this one really held a spot in my heart and was a lot of fun.

6. Nebraska

Will Forte and Bruce Dern are like the grumpy drama Lethal Weapon. Alexander Payne is yet to miss a list in a year he releases a movie, and he does some amazing work with MacGruber and the old neighbor from The Burbs here. Go see this as soon as you can. It’s like Rush Hour for depression.

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

Fargo and Big Lebowski are former #1’s, and I even own Ladykillers and Intolerable Cruelty on DVD, so there’s very little possibility for a Coen Brothers movie to tank in my eyes. Does anyone know if they like Folk music though? This metaphor for art, commerce and privilege is poignant and another great journey from the Jewish brothers from Minnesota. Also, cats.

4. Francis Ha

Noah Baumbach’s Frances Ha stars his girlfriend Greta Gerwig as a 20 something in NY, who actually would’ve made a good girlfriend for Llewyn Davis come to think of it. Do you hate-follow a girl on Instagram who just moved to NY last year? Well, here’s a movie they made about her. Funny, sad, aggravating. If you like Girls on HBO, I feel like this is your second course. Never has friendship or dating seemed so unsatisfying. #whitegirlproblems

3. Prisoners

Why is no one talking about this movie? In the vein of Se7ven, Zodiac and Silence of the Lambs, Dateline’s Keith Morrison could’ve easily narrated Prisoners and it would’ve made sense. Starring Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal (who is brilliant), Terrence Howard and Melissa Leo, it’s 3 hours long and I could’ve sat through 3 more. It’s a procedural in essence and has Paul Dano in it playing a creepface. If you’re writing a movie in 2014 and you don’t at least TRY to include Paul Dano as a creepface in it, then you’re Final Draft should just corrupt itself.

2. Wolf of Wall Street

Please let the idiots continue to say this movie is bad for us, because then we can distinguish who we shouldn’t be friends with quicker. It’ll be like what Von Dutch hats were in the 2000s. The most fun I had in a theater this year is also a reminder of what I love most about movies. It doesn’t glorify anything. It’s a satire and doubles as commentary about our society and greed. Don’t make me spell shit out, you morons. Also, Jonah Hill’s teeth.

1. 12 Years A Slave

The last movie I saw of the year was also the best. Hard to really crack jokes about it, but when a movie can survive a scene eating drive-by from Brad Pitt and still be breathtaking, you know it’s real good. Steve McQueen had Kubrickesque moments. I can’t help but hope this movie ends up being shown in high schools for historical reasons, but also because Paul Dano again plays a creepface in it and we need more of that from future screenwriters.

Honorable Mention (no particular order) – Warm Bodies, Stoker, Spring Breakers, This Is The End, The Conjuring, Blue Jasmine, Don Jon, Stories We Tell, American Hustle, Her, Fruitvale Station, The Spectacular Now

Movies I Didn’t See – August: Osage Country, Before Midnight, Rush, The Place Beyond The Pines, Short Term 12, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Movie You Loved That I Didn’t – Saving Mr. Banks (and sort of Gravity)

If you’re late to the weird Internet exchange between myself and Tom Hanks’s son, Chester Hanks, who inexplicably is a rapper who goes by the name “Chet Haze,” then you can catch up here, here or here. And in the end, we’re exactly in the spot I feared, Chester has compeletly chickened out of a competition he suggested - and here’s how…
During the exchange, Chester challenged me to a rap battle, which I believe at the time he assumed was something that would never be accepted by a random “comedian” on Twitter. What Chester didn’t know, and probably the reason he Googles EVERYTHING now, is that a little over ten years ago I was crowned one of LA’s best battlers, and actually got a million dollar Interscope record deal because of it. He dug himself a hole when I quickly accepted and every moment since has ignored his challenge. He ran quickly away from any rap comparison and instead just issued repeated physical threats to me (a “blogger nerd”), choosing to incorrectly spell words in his tweets and act like he’s writing a 1990’s Ice Cube song. Like he wasn’t the 5 year old at the Toy Story premiere.
And Chester, when it comes to being a “nerd” on the Internet, I’m not sure I could ever top your accolades. 
Since the Twitter exchange, Chester and his manager Briggs, have avoided any and all opportunities to follow up on Chester’s challenge. We were offered a large-scale, streamed live battle, with all profits benefitting a charity to fund music programs in underprivileged neighborhoods. He said no. The latest and greatest avenue opened last week, when Howard Stern extended an invitation for an in-studio dual appearance, where we would battle live on-air. Chet and Briggs again stated they’ll reject any and all offers, and asked us to lose their contact info.
I’ve never had a problem with Chester being Tom Hanks’s son, although he repeatedly tries to make it about that. Being Tom Hanks’s son is actually the coolest part about the dude. Chester recently tweeted, “You think you may know what my life is like, but you have no fuckin idea,” then 5 hours later tweeted a picture from the Saving Mister Banks red carpet. Listen, we know what your life is like, Chester. You seem to be the only person who doesn’t. And that’s my actual problem.
What bothers me is that you’ve weirdly immersed yourself in a character, one you’ve created from emulating rappers you love, and gangsters you’ve seen on TV or in movies, and created this “Chet Haze” persona. You were raised in Malibu and Brentwood and graduated the very difficult Northwestern University with a degree in Theater (which makes sense actually), but pretend like you’re on The Wire. My sole problem is that you’re not being real.
The only real thing I’ve noticed while talking with you is that you’re the only member of the Hanks family that your dad doesn’t follow on Twitter - and that shit is sadder than Jenny dying of AIDS. Cause even he knows: Chet Haze is a disgrace. I was actually just trying to help. I wanted to resurrect Chester Hanks.
You’re a joke, Chester. You and Briggs are like the new Jay Z and Dame Dash, without the talent. Or drive. Or ability to realize what’s good for your careers. Or self awareness. Or talent again. Dodging your own challenge is really just the final punchline. I hope this post gets retweeted and reblogged enough so that whatever music video or song you release in the future always gets placed somewhere near this reminder that you ran from a battle you initiated, and in turn don’t actually know what hip hop is. Hip hop is Shan vs. KRS. Hip hop is Eminem at the Rap Olympics. Hip hop is Eyedea at Skribble Jam. Hip Hop is 2nd Round Knockout. Hip hop is authenticity and standing by your assertions. And as a result, hip hop isn’t you.
Just be yourself, Chester, you’ll be surprised how many of your “haters” will go away. Until then, you’re too afraid to battle a “blogger nerd.” Don’t worry though, I won’t say your name again, and I doubt anyone else will either.

If you’re late to the weird Internet exchange between myself and Tom Hanks’s son, Chester Hanks, who inexplicably is a rapper who goes by the name “Chet Haze,” then you can catch up here, here or here. And in the end, we’re exactly in the spot I feared, Chester has compeletly chickened out of a competition he suggested - and here’s how…

During the exchange, Chester challenged me to a rap battle, which I believe at the time he assumed was something that would never be accepted by a random “comedian” on Twitter. What Chester didn’t know, and probably the reason he Googles EVERYTHING now, is that a little over ten years ago I was crowned one of LA’s best battlers, and actually got a million dollar Interscope record deal because of it. He dug himself a hole when I quickly accepted and every moment since has ignored his challenge. He ran quickly away from any rap comparison and instead just issued repeated physical threats to me (a “blogger nerd”), choosing to incorrectly spell words in his tweets and act like he’s writing a 1990’s Ice Cube song. Like he wasn’t the 5 year old at the Toy Story premiere.

And Chester, when it comes to being a “nerd” on the Internet, I’m not sure I could ever top your accolades. 

Since the Twitter exchange, Chester and his manager Briggs, have avoided any and all opportunities to follow up on Chester’s challenge. We were offered a large-scale, streamed live battle, with all profits benefitting a charity to fund music programs in underprivileged neighborhoods. He said no. The latest and greatest avenue opened last week, when Howard Stern extended an invitation for an in-studio dual appearance, where we would battle live on-air. Chet and Briggs again stated they’ll reject any and all offers, and asked us to lose their contact info.

I’ve never had a problem with Chester being Tom Hanks’s son, although he repeatedly tries to make it about that. Being Tom Hanks’s son is actually the coolest part about the dude. Chester recently tweeted, “You think you may know what my life is like, but you have no fuckin idea,” then 5 hours later tweeted a picture from the Saving Mister Banks red carpet. Listen, we know what your life is like, Chester. You seem to be the only person who doesn’t. And that’s my actual problem.

What bothers me is that you’ve weirdly immersed yourself in a character, one you’ve created from emulating rappers you love, and gangsters you’ve seen on TV or in movies, and created this “Chet Haze” persona. You were raised in Malibu and Brentwood and graduated the very difficult Northwestern University with a degree in Theater (which makes sense actually), but pretend like you’re on The Wire. My sole problem is that you’re not being real.

The only real thing I’ve noticed while talking with you is that you’re the only member of the Hanks family that your dad doesn’t follow on Twitter - and that shit is sadder than Jenny dying of AIDS. Cause even he knows: Chet Haze is a disgrace. I was actually just trying to help. I wanted to resurrect Chester Hanks.

You’re a joke, Chester. You and Briggs are like the new Jay Z and Dame Dash, without the talent. Or drive. Or ability to realize what’s good for your careers. Or self awareness. Or talent again. Dodging your own challenge is really just the final punchline. I hope this post gets retweeted and reblogged enough so that whatever music video or song you release in the future always gets placed somewhere near this reminder that you ran from a battle you initiated, and in turn don’t actually know what hip hop is. Hip hop is Shan vs. KRS. Hip hop is Eminem at the Rap Olympics. Hip hop is Eyedea at Skribble Jam. Hip Hop is 2nd Round Knockout. Hip hop is authenticity and standing by your assertions. And as a result, hip hop isn’t you.

Just be yourself, Chester, you’ll be surprised how many of your “haters” will go away. Until then, you’re too afraid to battle a “blogger nerd.” Don’t worry though, I won’t say your name again, and I doubt anyone else will either.

I love this print.

g1988:

Here’s Joshua Buddich’s stunning screenprint inspired by Princess Bride for Crazy 4 Cult 7 in NYC!

Just yesterday I saw falling snow for what I estimate is only the 4th time in my life. It’s important to emphasize that I’m 34 years old and once traveled state to state writing words for pro wrestlers to yell at a camera. So, that’s pretty crazy.

And that kind of personal change is one of the main reasons that we decided to bring our pop culture art gallery, Gallery1988, back to NYC for the 7th installment of our most popular art exhibit, Crazy 4 Cult. It’s an event where over 100 artists create pieces based on their favorite cult movies. Some of this year’s pieces are above (click on each to see the full pieces, please).

We’ve popped up here in New York once before (you can read about why that was significant me to HERE), but that was last Summer. WHEN IT WAS HOT. And Katie, my business partner, and I just wanted to try something new, both for the art exhibit and for our own professional lives. 

For those just tuning in, in a miraculous turn of luck and events, our art gallery turns 10 years old in just a few months. Which is CRAZY. The idea to cater to 20-35 year old first time art buyers, and emerging young artists not taken serious by pompous art galleries, actually worked. The music industry didn’t necessarily pan out for me, and this was the back-up plan. AND BACK-UP PLANS DON’T EVER WORK, RIGHT? The focus on pop culture inspired pieces actually paid off. It seems novel now, but we were the first to ever do it, so there was a ton of confident fear involved. 

But now there’s a pop culture art gallery in every major city and it seems most group shows nowadays are celebrating cult movies somehow. It’s a crowded field for sure. But even with that being the case, it’s made major art stars out of many of the artists whose first art show was Crazy 4 Cult. Our gallery, and the many doing what we’re doing, has started to feel like the baseball card industry in the 80’s, or even Beanie Babies in the 90’s. Buy up whatever name is hot, and then just sell it for a profit. Doesn’t matter if you like it, or if you’d hang it on your wall, it’s just about what you can make off it. And I understand that’s basically the world of being an art dealer, but honestly we opened G1988 to shit on them, cause that’s dumb.

It feels pretty gross. We recently tracked a few highly demanded prints by edition number once we sold them, and to see 4 out of 5 sold on eBay within a week was disheartening. Our goal is, and always has been, to sell artwork that people will be proud to hang. We truly miss the genuine buyer, or the customer who walks in for the first time and realizes they’ve struck pop culture gold, no matter the artist’s name. We miss why we all started liking this art in the first place. We’re not here for prospectors, we’re here for art lovers.

We figure the weather and location change could act as both a revitalization for what Katie & I love SO MUCH about the art we show (and our jobs), as well as attract a walk-in customer that will discover it for the first time, and not worry about how much it’ll make if they can list it from their iPhone in the parking lot. Cause at the end of the day, the way to really support these artists we love, is to appreciate their art, let it grow a market and demand overtime through your enthusiasm, and not turn it around for profit immediately like Pearl Jam concert tickets. And all this while reconnecting with the NY customers we already sell to, who’ve been forced to just look at the website all year long. 

The work for this year’s Crazy 4 Cult is AWESOME. It’s like every year the artists outdo themselves. If you haven’t seen past shows, we worked with Titan Publishing on two books already chronicling past years, which you can get HERE and HERE. And if you live in NY, come say hello to me.

It opens THIS FRIDAY NIGHT, December 13th, from 7-10 PM at 355A Bowery (between 3rd and 4th, next to the Bowery Hotel). And it will be open everyday through December 21st, from 12-7 PM.

Let the artwork speak for itself and stop by, NYC! We’ll talk about what snow is like.

To tell the story of Hot Karl would probably take up too much of this blog post, but in short, over a decade ago I took a random stint as a battle rap champion on Los Angeles radio, and turned it into a million dollar deal at Interscope Records and EMI publishing. I did release music under the dumb moniker Hot Karl (still available at iTunes) with Kanye West, Will.I.Am., Mya, Redman, Fabolous and others (I say others instead of Sugar Ray). I quickly realized that business wasn’t for me, and moved on to a bunch of other stuff that has thankfully developed a career away from the mic. A guy named George Meeker made a short documentary about it in 2004 when I was fat and you can watch that here-

http://vimeo.com/38343673

To tell the story of how much I love the Los Angeles Clippers would probably take up too much of this blog post, but in short, since childhood, due to the fact that we couldn’t afford Lakers tickets, I’ve been a fanatical supporter dedicating myself to the team, even when they were considered “the worst franchise in sports” by Sports Illustrated. It’s one of the only constants in my life, which has been filled with unexpected traumas and career turns. It’s all wrapped up in my deceased father, being an underdog and a hope to stay loyal. It’s about way more than sports and being a season ticker holder has become one of the true joys in my life (I’m very jaded).

When DJ Dense, the in-arena Clippers DJ and a friend from my past as a rapper, asked me to create a song for the team this season, I obviously jumped at the chance, even though it had been over 10 years since I created a new song for myself. I had recently appeared on Burning Love as Hot Karl, and did an interview with Howard Stern about it, both big steps in acceptance and healing, but never actually produced a song. That would be a way bolder move.

So, I immediately started writing to a beat I had from years ago by Greg Mayo (friend to the Hypemen Podcast). I took an emotional approach, which I think best reflects my feelings (it has a lot of hidden meaning in the words to represent my upbringing). Then I took what I penned, and the original beat, to Justin Warfield, another name from my ancient rap career, and he created something inspired by Mayo’s original production. And thus marks the return of Hot Karl, “Where You At? (Clipper Song)”

You can listen to, and download the song for free, on Soundclound here - 

https://soundcloud.com/jensenkarp

Also, and most importantly, you can hear the song at Clippers home games during Halftime when they play the Halftime Highlights. Thank you to DJ Dense, the Los Angeles Clippers, Greg Mayo & Justin Warfield.

It’s all pretty surreal for me. I wish I could just walk up to 7 year old Jensen, wearing the Benoit Benjamin jersey, sad his team could never win but still optimistic for every game his father spent hard earned money to attend, and tell him one day they’d play his music during these games. It’s a small victory for Hot Karl I know, but much like the Clippers, ten years later, every victory counts.

Formerly known as the Interscope-signed rapper Hot Karl, writer Jensen Karp owns LA's Gallery1988, hosts a podcast and loves the 1989 Tom Hanks vehicle, "The Burbs." You can follow him @JensenClan88.

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